A friend of
mine loves to sing and play the guitar, but she has been too shy to play for
Arthur, my husband, who is a professional musician. One night recently when she
was visiting she grabbed Arthur’s guitar and played a song for us. When we
expressed our delight in her performance, she said, “Now that I’ve read We Are ALL Innocent and realize that I’m
crazy, it was liberating. I knew that it wouldn’t matter to you how it sounded,
because you know I’m nuts!”
Crazy means
nothing left to hide. Am I less than perfect? Big deal…I’m crazy. Did I do
something embarrassing in the past? I was nuts. Did I do something I feel
guilty about? I was delusional. Whatever I did, it was motivated by the
confusion in my mind, the programming of beliefs and assumptions that distorted
my worldview.
One of the
benefits of recognizing my craziness has been the ability to laugh at myself,
to stop taking myself so seriously. I no longer have to hide mistakes, or try
to explain them away. I can share personal details in We Are ALL Innocent, and on internet forums using my real name,
because they don’t matter anymore. Crazy people do crazy things.
In addition,
many of us spend an inordinate amount of time trying to promote our good sides,
hoping that by an engaging display we can keep others distracted from seeing our
warts and flaws. When we no longer feel the need to hide parts of ourselves, we
can relax and just be ourselves.
In our
culture there’s something almost everyone hides—their sexuality. We are
programmed to believe sex is dirty, and the sex act is obscene, and it’s wrong
to feel aroused except in very circumscribed situations (like with your
spouse).
As I
mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve gotten criticism for addressing sex in WAAI.
Some have intimated that sexuality doesn’t belong in a self-help book that
isn’t explicitly about sex. This stems from the insane belief that sex should
and could be split off from the rest of life. Others have warned me that
including sex would limit my audience, because people would be reluctant to
share the book with others.
But again,
crazy means nothing left to hide! I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say
that sexual problems are rampant in our culture. Personally I think this is
because we cannot discuss our sexuality freely, as we can so many other aspects
of our lives. So our problems stay hidden away where they fester and grow
worse. Confusion about sex was just another one of my issues, like insecurity
and competition, so why shouldn’t I share about it in the hope that it would
help another better understand their sexuality?
In this
spirit, my partner in life and in the development of the philosophy behind
WAAI, Arthur Hancock, has written a memoir entitled Exposing Myself: A Life of Sex and Truth. In this book he honestly
reveals his obsessions with sex, ending a lifetime of hiding the shame and
guilt about his sexual proclivities.
Arthur had a
life-changing experience at the age of 28, when he realized how superficial his
perception of the world really was. The next forty years have been a quest to
understand this experience, an attempt to seek truth over lies and love over
lust, in the midst of such adventures as playing folk music in St. Augustine.
Florida in the midst of a major civil rights confrontation, and traveling to
Nepal and returning paralyzed from the neck down (the year of recovery in a
rehab center led to some unbelievable sexual adventures).
Exposing Myself is a great companion to WAAI, as Arthur not only takes the reader
through the development of the philosophy of universal insanity, but illustrates
in his own life how the recognition of his insanity has removed shame and
guilt.
Recently
Arthur said that publishing Exposing
Myself has been of great therapeutic value. By exposing himself he no
longer fears his inner blackmailer of ego (remember when you did this? See the cartoon version of this inner blackmailer at Arthur's website entitled "Why the unexamined life is so popular"). Arthur no longer has to be
fixated on hiding his sexual shame and self-hatred by pretending to be
superior. This has given him a sense of peace; he is free to simply be who he
is; he no longer has to hide.